ThePlanetMom.com

October's StealI need a playdatelong sleeved teefor only $16!

We're all very busy setting up playdates for our children so that they will learn to socialize appropriately, make friends and be truly happy. They're kids, for crying out loud! They get to eat ice cream, go to birthday parties and have somebody cook, clean and do their laundry for them! You know who really needs a playdate? You do!

Get your I need a playdate tee today!

New lines in time for Mother's Day!

If you think moms know best (or want to score points for saying so):

Are you tired of hearing that parents shouldn't yell at their kids?  This tee yells it like it is:

Next time the bank teller at the drive-up window chastises you for asking for the complimentary lollipop to placate your crying child.  Before 9 a.m.:

What's your line?

As of tonight, we're offering two new lines at PlanetMomTshirts.com.   We brainstormed about new lines for days.  We considered doing a line about blogging, going green, and having crushes as a married woman.  We may revisit the first two ideas soon, but our feeling was that very few married women would wear a tee with a line about having a crush.  Of course, that doesn't mean it isn't a reality.  Eileen and I both talked about how many women we know admit to having innocent--yet, entertaining!--crushes on men in their communities.  In some cases, they've never even met the object of their desire.   And, these women aren't about to risk it all for a school-girl type crush.  But, just because we're married, doesn't mean we can't enjoy the view, right?

I digress.  Back to the new lines.  We finally decided to offer a line that would appeal to all of those moms who work outside the home, while also striking a cord with stay-at-home moms.  Here's what we came up with:  "a Happy Hour is when I get time to myself."  Many moms with careers say they miss having any time to themselves.  They go from their jobs to their families and back again.  They're not hitting the bars for Happy Hour, even on a Friday.  They're running home to see and care for their kids.  We thought stay-at-home moms would also appreciate this line because with everything we do for our children, plus volunteer work and caring for our homes, we rarely have time to relax.  Again, we're not going to Happy Hour come 5:00.  We're making dinner and doing homework.

Which brings me to our next new line.  We've long wanted to have a line about.... shall I say, "helping" our kids with their homework.  One of our readers reminded us of this long-overdue idea (Thank you, Karen B!) And here's what we came up with:  "Wink if you do your kid's homework."   Sure, there are those of you saying, "Tsk, tsk."  But, I suspect there are many more of you saying, "So, I'm not the only one?!"  I actually think they should revise report cards to include a grade for moms.  I mean, I think I deserve an "A", especially in my social studies work.  But, alas, we are always underappreciated.

Chauffeur Moonlighting as Mom

I am one of those typical moms who feels they spend more time in their car than in their house.  As our shirts say, I am a "Chauffeur Moonlighting as Mom."  To give you some perspective, I have a four-year-old car with almost 100,000 miles on it.  And, of course it's a minivan.  As Eileen once said, "I got a minivan.  I'm officially 'off the market.'"  I couldn't have said it any better.  A minivan is the female equivalent of emasculation.  There is nothing sexy about the minivan.  But, it is indeed practical.

For one thing, I can carry the spring season's worth of sporting equipment in the back.  That includes everything from soccer balls to baseball helmets to tennis racquets and lacrosse sticks.  And, of course, I have blankets to keep me warm as a I cheer--in only the allowable politically-correct tone--from the sidelines.  I have enough bottles of water on the floor to sustain us in a lengthy drought, and there are jackets, raincoats, snacks, pencils and books littered everywhere. 

My husband likes to criticize what he sees as the 'disarray' inside my car.  I like to think of it as organized chaos.  Whenever something's missing from the house, I say, "Check my car," and invariably it's there.  Granted, when my brother got in my car recently and could write "Go Mets" with his finger on my dashboard because of all the dust and dog hair, I decided it was time for a thorough cleaning.  So, I cleared everything out, got it "supercleaned" for $86! and proceeded to put everything back in.

There's something to be said for a car that has that "lived in" look.  I don't fret when it gets scratched, and I haven't bothered to get the CD player fixed.  My husband, on the other hand, bought a nice car (one that, incidentally, doesn't fit the kids, much less the sporting equipment.)  But, when the portable basketball hoop fell on his trunk on an especially windy day recently, he got very upset.  It missed the minivan, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

Alice doesn't live here

I used to think that the reason my house/life was in disarray was because I was, as our shirts say,  "Nanny Deprived."  But, a nanny wouldn't make that much difference, except if she were the "Supernanny" or that "Nanny 911" woman. Let me just reflect on that for a moment.  Having someone around to discipline my children while I step in for an occasional game of Mancala and play the cheerleader role at their ball games.  Hmmm... that does sounds very enticing.  But, assuming the Supernanny's not looking for a much less glamorous job with a fraction of the salary, I'll have to forget about that idea.

What  I really need to make my life less complicated is an Alice.  That's right.  Alice, as in "The Brady Bunch" (played by Ann B. Davis in the original series, of course.)  Alice wouldn't stand for the ever-present pile of laundry I have that is so big it needs its own room.   She would never let the beds go unmade until... umm... the next time we have company over.  She would make sure the fridge was fully stocked.  And, she'd get the best cuts of meat from her boyfriend, Sam the Butcher (whatever happened to the neighborhood butcher store?)

Or, maybe I just need a wife.  But, obviously, someone much more organized than myself.    Like those 'sister wives' on HBO's "Big Love" who help eachother with chores, their kids, and dinners.   Although I certainly see the downside of that lifestyle.  For one thing, who wants to dress like Laura Ingalls on "Little House on the Prairie?" 

It may just be that I have to come to terms with my limitations as a Domestic Engineer and be happy that our house hasn't been condemned. 

manicure pedicure mommy cure

A week ago, I made my way to the local salon to kick off spring with a winning pedicure.  It's the type of place that charges $45 for a "classic" pedicure - obscene, for sure - but when my massage chair's pulsing at 9 and I'm thumbing through a deliciously raunchy Cosmo, I'll gladly pay that AND tip you an additional $45.  Remember when you actually believed Body Language Decoder articles?  If he touches his belt, he wants you to notice his assets?  I could read that garbage all day.

Asked to choose a color, I went with Smitten. This winter, my favorite choice:  My Old Flame.  Pre-kids it was usually Precious Pink.  But after acing another Cosmo Quiz, I'm feeling randy.  Nevermind if it actually looks good on my toes.  Sorta like not really needing those J Crew stretch chino shorts but, wait, was that color Sweet Papaya?

Last year, Elise and I met and gave Sarah Jessica Parker a manicure pedicure mommy cure tee.  Somewhere between the foot massage and the hot paraffin wrap, I thought, hey, maybe we'll see our tee in the new SATC movie.  Hallucination brought on by an hour-long pedicure. 

As my toes were drying, I thumbed through Parenting to ease back into reality.